An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
