I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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