my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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