I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm at about main and main street
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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