So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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