how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
