Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
