Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize