She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
