May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
