So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
