He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
