I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
