my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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