drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
