Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
