i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
