if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
