4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
