I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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