When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
