Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
