oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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