when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
