I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
