if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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