You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
