Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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