I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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