i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
whose parrot is this?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
