i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
did you just send me my own nude
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
