; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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