she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
