batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
