how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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