My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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