the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
