something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
