She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize