I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
