I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
