...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
