Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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