We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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