she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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