I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
