I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
