At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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