This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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