Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
