this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
