I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
