just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
