Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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