just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
