I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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