I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize