and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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