if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize