I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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