i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
