Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
