i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
how drunk are you?
Several
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
