Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Plan B is the new Plan A
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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