My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
