my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
