I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
