Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
