you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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