and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
