So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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