You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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