i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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