The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There's even glitter on my cock...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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