I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
