evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
