Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
