$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
