i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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