I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
