Just mADE A PArabola og urine
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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